


Things we talk about (but never do)

by Dopt



Series: Much Ado About Nothing [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bad Dirty Talk, Bad Jokes, Dirty Talk, F/M, Mutual Pining, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-01-31 22:21:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12691341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dopt/pseuds/Dopt
Summary: Their fear for intamacy wasn't crippling per se, but it was more complicated than anything they could have anticipated. So since they can't do what they really want, for now, they talk. It's a good way to start.“It’s okay. It’s not really my kink to have a totally passive partner.” He nuzzles her fingers and used her hand to hide his smirk but she could feel it anyway. “I prefer a feisty one.”





	1. Chapter 1

They tried to fuck a few times, really. They did try. When the pressure was too strong, when they thought they were going to die, when they were so inebriated they couldn’t keep their hands from each other. They fumbled in dark corners or spare rooms, mouths hungry and breaths mingling heavily while they grind their hips together. Fingers in hair, legs tangled close, they really tried. But every time, they couldn’t go past the barrier of clothes.

When Jyn reached for his belt, Cassian panicked about not being able to last and he slowed down enough to realize he didn’t want to fuck her up against a wall. Another time, it was Jyn who stopped him when his hands crept under her tunic. She was sweaty and dirty and probably smelled like a dead wookie and even if it was pretty clear Cassian didn’t really mind, she felt self-conscious and the idea of fucking Cassian in a shower stall seemed a bit too intimate for her. She had never been naked in front of a sexual partner and even if Cassian was probably the person she trusted the most, she wasn’t ready for that kind of vulnerability. And from his reaction when she suggested a shower, he didn’t seem ready either.

So they stopped trying and slowed things down because what was the point of rushing sex between them? They didn't want that but people around them had a hard time to understand the complexity of their relationship. And they probably didn't really care either because among soldiers, gossip didn't wait for feelings. And even if neither Jyn nor Cassian was for public display of affection, the connexion between them was pretty obvious for anyone with eyes and they may have not been cautious enough with their fumblings the few time it'd happened.

At lunch, some days after one of those aborted attempts, Shara made a comment about Jyn being able to eat nearly any kind of food that obviously could turn into something lewd, especially when sitting at a table full of pilots. But Jyn didn’t mind the innuendo and without missing a beat, she deadpanned, “Sorry, girl, I only eat dead meat that I could put my teeth in without having to hear a scream.”

All the men at the table cringe with more or less subtlety and Shara smirked at the rebuff, “Yeah, but you’ll make an exception for your lovely captain, right?”

Something in her eyes betrayed her but Jyn resisted the urge to turn around. She knew Cassian was right behind her but she pretend she didn’t and with her most disarming smile, she said, “Nope, not even for Cassian.”

“Shame,” Shara answered, “I’ll totally hit that.”

Her grin was a bit too wild when Cassian put his tray next to Jyn with false cluelessness.

“Of course you will, you’re high on maternity hormones, so you’ll get laid with anyone if you hadn’t some respect for your husband.” Jyn enjoyed watching Shara’s grin faltered and added, “And I didn’t say I wouldn’t, just not the way you all suggest.”

She made eye contact with every other pilot at the table but they all suddenly pretended to be fascinated by their meal so Jyn resumed her eating with all due enthusiasm but of course, Cassian had to ask. He was also avoiding her face and concentrated on his food but Jyn knew him enough to know it was just a façade. So she took her time, swallowing loudly and told him lightly, “I munch everything I put in my mouth so I’m nice enough to not suck dick. Not even yours.”

She tried to shrug but Cassian merely blink at her. He nodded and focused on his food and his lack of reaction felt worse than any kind of deception so she needed to add, “I’m not that much into oral sex.”

“Not even on the receiving end of it?”

He was purposely avoiding looking at her and she was grateful because she didn’t know how to respond that without embarrassing herself too much. So he ought to think she didn’t like it either way because with excessive manierism, he told her, “Then I have to agree with Shara and it breaks my heart a little.”

Shara made an offended noise and Jyn eyed him with barely concealed confusion and Cassian added, “It’s shame because I’m totally into that but I respect you aren’t.”

He shrugged it off and Shara snickered before rising up and with her best shit-eating grin, rounded up the pilots to make them leave.

“Let the two lovebirds discuss with some privacy, boys. And after, we’ll get some juicy gossip.”

She didn’t wait up for a response and she was right to do so because Cassian caught Jyn’s hand before she could flip the pilot off.

“Don’t.”

He kept her hand for way longer than necessary and only let go because she needed it to finish her meal. They ate slowly and enjoyed the calm of having the table just for themselves, then when Jyn put her spoon down, Cassian asked, “Is there anything else you’re not into?”

The question nearly made her blush because, suddenly, without anybody else, it was difficult to avoid the intimacy of the subject. It wasn’t a joke anymore and part of her was still self-conscious of her whole sexual experience, or lack of.

“I…”

Cassian continued eating, and he didn’t really look at her but she knew him enough by now to know he was seeing everything. If he thought their conversation was making her uncomfortable, he would change the subject and pretended they never talked about it. But she wanted to. Even if they couldn’t do it right now, they could at least discuss it. To eventually try without any kind of embarrassment.

“I don’t know. Honestly, it’s difficult to say. I don’t like being tied or in the dark but I also prefer not too much light and I don’t mind the idea of… restriction… just…”

This time, she did blush. It was really awkward and she had to check all around the mess, just to be sure no one could hear her. Cassian reached for her hand and kissed her knuckles. The gentleness of such an act was still surprising to her and she was pretty sure her blush deepened.

“It’s okay. I don’t like being tied either and it’s not really my kink to have a totally passive partner.” He nuzzles her fingers and used her hand to hide his smirk but she could feel it anyway.

“I prefer a feisty one.”

She laughed at that and bent over to close the distance between them when she asked in a whisper, “So what’s your kink right now?”

“Now?” He hummed and pretended to think about it so she kicked his boot lightly and he chuckled. “I have to say, talking about oral remind me i’d love to go down on you but since you’re not into…”

“That’s not…!” Jyn’s reaction was surprising, even for her and she felt her neck reddening once more. “I mean… I’ve never…” She avoided his gaze and flexed her fingers around his. “Not with a man.”

“And you really think it’s different when you’re receiving it?”

She shook her head then shrugged.

“I don’t know. I only had once and the woman I was with was not very… patient?”

She shrugged once more. “But if you like it, I could try when…”She trailed off because that was the main problem. When.

His smile was reassuring and he nodded.

“When we’re comfortable enough to do things properly.”

“Without clothes on.”

“And in a bed. Or at least, some kind of room with a lock on the door.”

She smiled too and put her forehead on his shoulder. “Yeah, that would be ideal.” She stayed nestled against him, the time for her heart to slow down and then some more just to enjoy the warmth of his. It was good enough for now and maybe someday, they could try again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Be selfish with me, Jyn. Tell me what to do.”
> 
> He kissed her again, deep and slow, and he felt her pulse spike under his fingertips by her neck.
> 
> “Always the good soldier, aren’t you?”
> 
> Her teasing was greatly diminished by her flushed cheeks and short breaths but Cassian smiled anyway.
> 
> “I try. And it’s my job to gather intel, so…”

“I’m not a generous person.”

It might have seem awkward, and kind of random for Jyn to start a conversation that way but Cassian was used to her strange habib to speak what was on her mind without preamble and he knew not to ask for more. She’d tell him her line of reasoning on her own time, bit by bit, after she said what she truly wanted to say. And it was nice of her to have come to see him after her shift.

“From what I get, you never really have much to share.”

He didn’t mean it as a critic, just the plain obvious truth. Apart from her necklace and her boots, nothing she was wearing was even hers. And he was pretty sure even her boots were a stolen pairs, but since she had stolen them herself, he might count them at hers.

“I didn’t mean it in the literal way.”

Jyn pursed her lips and sat heavily on the bench next to him, her back to the table, but he didn’t glance her way and just hummed in answer, still waiting for her to put her ideas together. She looked tired and maybe she just wanted to be somewhere calm, without too much noise or too many people around. Plus, he was in the middle of the tedious task of stripping the wires of a droid arm and since the piece was already very damage, he didn’t want to lose his focus by looking up and making conversation with her when she needed rest. He tore apart a bit of plastoid armor and reached for a cutting plier but Jyn already had it and she gave him without a word. He nodded his thanks and cut a length of copper wire he needed for repairing the transmission module of his U-wing before pushing away the arm and then he started working on another piece of discarded droid in silence. He felt her gaze on his hands while he searched for another wire and since he was mostly tinkering with old parts, he finally fully turned to face her and he suppressed his smile when he caught her blush. Tapping his fingers lightly on her knees, he said, “I don’t need anything special, you know.”

Jyn sighed and looked away, taking in the pile of junk crammed into the little room. Every droid, every piece of ship that was beyond repair came here and when someone was in dire need for a missing part, well, they just had to remage in, and if in luck or very imaginative, or like Cassian, a bit of both, and patient and stubborn, they’d find something to help.

“You really like damaged goods, hu?”

Cassian shrugged and began to toy with some mechanical hand to remove some more cable.

“I like to think there’s always something salvable. And you’re not more damaged than I am.”

He caught her demure smile and responded with one of his own. His fingers found hers for a brief moment and when he saw her looking away again, he discarded the piece he was working on and waited.

At his cocked eyebrow, she finally relented and without meeting his eyes but with his fingers still wrapped in hers, she said, “You know I love you, right?”

It always baffled him how easily she could utter those words. Not just to him, but to anyone close to her, even if for him, it had a special meaning and they both knew it. It was part of her blunt personality, but still, it was always something nice to ear.

“You’ve told me so, yeah.” It was hard not to grin so he didn’t try and Jyn seemed pleased, even if she avoided looking at him for too long. Maybe Cassian should tell her about his feelings too, maybe that was what she was waiting for and even if it was difficult for him to express such things, for her, he’d try. But when he opened his mouth, she cut him.

“We were speaking with the others slicers earlier and it came to my attention that when people are involved the way we are…” she made some kind of weird gesture with their joined hands between them, “it’s expected to do things for the other.”

“Yeah, I suppose so. But you do things for me all the time, Jyn. The same I do for you. Just now, you gave me the plier and…

“I’m not speaking of that.”

“Then what?”

Her silence and mostly her continuous avoidance of looking at him where enough clues for him to understand. Or at least, having the general idea.

“Is it about the other day, when Shara was teasing you for your eating habits?”

Jyn tilted her head as if in thought but her neck reddened. He brought her fingers to his lips and kissed her hand.

“I already told you I don’t mind. So don’t worry about it.” He kissed her hand a second time and added, “Plus, we’re not really there, right now?”

He tried to catch her eye but she refused to watch him when she said, “Yeah but that’s part of the problem too.” She finally looked up and he straightened his features to not alarm her but she read him nonetheless. With a swift move, she slid on the bench and went to snuggle him, wrapping her free arm around him.

“I have no idea of what I’m doing. I’ve never been in the kind of relationship and I know we agree to not rush things or something but at the same time… I don’t know. I want to be with you and to do stuff but I don’t know what you like, what you’re comfortable with and I’m very selfish when it came to sex and I don’t want to be selfish with you.”

It was a lot to take in at once. It was a lot for her to say at once and Cassian appreciated the effort she put on telling him all that even if he didn’t really know how to respond. He turned around to straddle the bench and wrapped his arms around her. She immediately relaxed against him and put her head on his shoulder. She had to be really tired to react so easily. He nuzzled her cheek lightly before whispering, “I have no idea either, you know. I’ve never been in any kind of relationship that’s beyond camaraderie and I only had sex with one woman and mostly out of boredom, so…”

Jyn perked up at his admission and he fought his blush by tightening his grip on her.

“I was nineteen and we were stuck on a very long and very boring reconnaissance mission and I made the mistake of telling her about my inexperience with women so she decided to teach me.” He paused and looked at the ceiling for inspiration. “It was kind of nice of her but I never really had to opportunity nor the desire to put her lesson in practice since then. At least, not until I met you. And even then… well, you’ve seen.”

He shrugged again and put his chin on her head to avoid her eyes.

“Why?” she asked in a small voice. Cassian shrugged again.

“I never feel the need. I’ve slept with a few boys when I was a teen but as I grew up, it felt meaningless and I don’t know… It’s more difficult to be with a girl, woman… just like you said, I want to be good for you but I don’t know how. Maybe that’s why I don’t want to rush things between us.”

“But you want me?”

“Yeah, very much.” He kissed her head firmly and felt her grip his shirt tightly.

“I want you too. I just don’t know…” She took a deep breath and faced him with that kind of determination she had before a fight.

“What do you like?”

Cassian was a bit taken aback and he had to think about it but he smiled when he said, “I like kissing you.”

Jyn grinned and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “Good. I like that too.”

He hooked his fingers in her belt loops and hoisted her up on his laps. “What else do you like?” he asked before he began to nip at her neck and she tilted her to the side with a very girlish giggle when he teased the skin under her ear.

“When you touch me, when you kiss me, when you did that thing with your lips on my collarbone,” her breath caught slightly when he did exactly what she described but she went on, “when your hands wander on my hips,” he did that too, spreading his fingers on her back and enjoying the feeling of her body, lean and pliant against his and when he pushed onto the back of her pelvis, she jerked up with a strangle yelp.

“I may have a thing with bones,” she murmured on the skin of his neck and Cassian rasped his knuckles on her lower back, up her spine, happy to explore the new piece of knowledge. She hummed pleasantly and arched her back to add more pressure on her vertebrae.

“Told you I was selfish.” She pouted but Cassian kissed her and she melt against him. She pushed him down the bench until she lay on him and he used the opportunity to slid a hand under the hem of her shirt.

“And I like that,” he said right against her lips. “Be selfish with me, Jyn. Tell me what to do.”

He kissed her again, deep and slow, and he felt her pulse spike under his fingertips by her neck.

“Always the good soldier, aren’t you?”

Her teasing was greatly diminished by her flushed cheeks and short breaths but Cassian smiled anyway.

“I try. And it’s my job to gather intel, so…” He trailed off and nuzzled her neck once more before putting his lips on her collarbone and letting his left hand wander up her shirt. He was on in way to leave a very nice mark under the leather cord of her necklace when she grabbed his hair with just too much force for being playful and when he looked up, he saw her serious face.

“Okay, Captain, I’ll speak but you have to stop because this is not the right place to finish what you’re starting. You’ve got one more question then I leave you with your toys while I’ll try to keep my lust for you in check.”

His eyebrows rose and he was pretty sure he looked a bit too eager because Jyn rolled her eyes with fond exasperation.

“Shoot.”

“Two questions and I’ll answer one of yours.”

She hesitated for half a second then nodded her head sharply. Cassian rose on his elbows as Jyn sat up and he asked, “What do you want the most?”

She seemed a bit confused, brows scrunched and mouth down, so Cassian added, “If I could give you anything, without embarrassment, shyness or whatever… If you could trust-”

“I trust you!”

He cupped her face and gently rose to kiss her.

“I know you do, but I mean it in a sexual kind of way.”

“And I trust you there as well, it’s just… difficult and I feel like the more we wait, the worse it is.”

Dread filled him because he didn’t have a good answer for that.

“That bad?”

He must have shown too much because Jyn smiled and brushed her knuckles on his jaws.

“No, it’s not that bad. You just get me all worked up and I just wish we could… but you have your job to do and I have to take a nap because I’ve been up for nearly twenty hours so not now.”

She sighed and slid away to sit back on the bench while he took back his place beside her.

“I mostly want time with you,” she admitted shyly. “We could fuck here like too horny soldiers, we could make out in dark corners, hell, I’m pretty sure you could get me off in the ship seats when we’re in hyperspace but what’s the point? And at the same time, why wait? We’re at war! We could be dead tomorrow.”

“I like your optimism.”

She glared and Cassian chuckled.

“I see your point and I’ll work on a solution, okay?”

Part of him wanted to suggest some kind of compromise but he refrained from doing so when he saw her yawn.

“You should sleep.”

“I still have one question and you owe me one answer.”

He took her hand and squeezed it lightly.

“It can wait. You’re tired and I’d rather have dinner with you when I’m done with those repairs than keeping you up right now. As you said, I have a job to do and you really need sleep.”

She smiled and squeezed his hand back.

“Okay, I’ll do that. But tonight, you’ll have to tell me everything!”

“About what?”

“About what you want the most.” She wiggled her eyebrows twice with a devilish smile before kissing him hard. Cassian’s hand found her hip naturally to bring her closer but she got up to escape him.

“Tonight,” she said as she moved to leave but Cassian hold her back.

“I only want to make you feel good.” He got up too and snaked an arm around her waist and pressed a kiss on her throat. “Teach me how to make you come and everything you like, that’s all I want.”

“It’s not easy to explain these things in theory.”

He released her and sat down heavily.

“So we’re back at finding time together.”

“Yup.”

They shared a look, both eager and fearful but they didn’t back down. She kissed him one last time before going to the door. Just before she closed it, she added, “And don’t forget, Cassian, I’m greedy.”

“Good,” he smiled, “I want you to be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally head-canon that Cassian is the very shy one who can't express his feelings with words because words have no meaning to him. Words are his job, what he uses as a meaning to an end because he's a manipulative liar, contrary to Jyn who doesn't talk much and just says what she needs to say.  
> And no, it didn't really take the way I originally thought but I may find a way around. And I still can't write not sap, sorry. I tried, I swear.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m not pissy, girl. I just don’t get how you could say no to a good dick, that’s all!”
> 
> “First, that’s not what I said and second, you’re just grabbing at anything to distract me because you’re losing!”
> 
> “And what all that had to do with me?”
> 
> Cassian should have known better than to ask but honestly, none of their conversation made sense and between Jyn’s warmth right beside him and the last of Bodhi’s suggestions in mind, he had difficulties to use his brain properly.
> 
> “Simple Captain,” said Melshi in a bored tone, “your wife here doesn’t approve of the common theory that a good lay is better than a good game.”

They got all their supplies without any casualties thanks to Cassian’s intel and Selfa’s very good sense of priorities. So overall, the mission was a great success and they were all in good mood, even if the flight back to Home One promised to be a very long one to avoid being tracked. That was probably why Cassian didn’t see it coming. He let the soldiers and Jyn in the cargo hold while he went to check on Bodhi and prepared his report.

The pilot was in good mood, just like the rest of them but Cassian noted his frequent glances while he coded his transmission.

“If you have something to say, Bodhi, just do it.”

The pilot stiffened and pretended to check a few too many controls before Cassian put a hand on his shoulder and reassured him.

“It’s okay, Bodhi. You can tell me.”

He nodded and took a deep breath before rushing out a full sentence so fast Cassian didn’t have the time to blink, even less process why he was asked to spend the night with Jyn.

In the silence that followed, neither man knew exactly what to say and Bodhi sighed in defeat.

“I’m sorry, Captain. I know it’s not of my business but I…”

“You want to have the room for yourself for once, I understand.”

“Well, not exactly for myself, but, yeah, that’s the idea. And since you and Jyn…” Bodhi trailed off, not sure how to call their relationship.

“Why do you ask me, though? You could just tell Jyn you have a guess.”

The tip on Bodhi’s ears reddened and he fidgeted some more with the ship’s controls.

“Yeah, well, of course, but I want her to sleep, and if I have ask her to leave, she’ll probably just hang around somewhere or take a double shift in the communication’s room. She won’t ask you because… well, she won’t. And I think it’ll do you two some good to spend some time together, even just for sleeping.”

That was Cassian’s time to blush but Bodhi pretended he didn’t notice.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, “but it’s quite obvious. At least for me. And also I know you a bit, and she talks sometimes and…”

Bodhi shrugged and Cassian’s heart fell. Neither Jyn nor him had said anything about their relationship. They didn’t really hide it but they were private people and public display of affection weren’t really their thing. But the problem Cassian had right now wasn’t Bodhi knew about his feelings for Jyn but more than the pilot knew of their technical difficulties with intimacy.

“Look,” Bodhi said with a very obvious forced look on the commands, “I may have joked about her need to get laid and I may have suggested she hooked up with you and… I didn’t mean to be insensitive, really, I just wanted to tease her and maybe help her… I didn’t know about...”

He trailed off, clearly uncomfortable and Cassian barely resisted the urge to pat his shoulder.

“She had trust issue, I know, and you have too, obviously. So, maybe -” finally Bodhi glanced his way and stopped pretending to control the navigation charts,”-maybe spending time together, alone, would help you.”

“And you’ll get to have your quarters all for yourself.”

Cassian was just teasing but Bodhi apologized anyway, his shoulders hunching some more.

“No problem,” Cassian told him with a last pat on the arm then he resumed his coding to finish his report and left the pilot at his own devices to check on the rest of his crew.

He didn’t know how he’d manage to talk to Jyn about their return arrangement but he didn’t have time to think about it because even before he was down to the last tier, he heard Sefla said with an exaggerated sigh,“I’m very disappointed in you Andor.”  

Jyn scowled but stayed silent and focused on her cards. The lack of formality wasn’t that surprising for the Pathfinder but still, Cassian felt on edge when he sat beside Jyn. She was tense, way too much for just a game of sabbac with nothing to lose but candies, but before he could ask what he did wrong, Jyn put a card down, winning the round. All the players groaned and she put her left hand on his thigh with a reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry about it, the lieutenant’s just pissy because he can’t play shit.”

Jyn grinned at Sefla and used the hand that wasn’t on Cassian to collect her winning.

“I’m not pissy, girl. I just don’t get how you could say no to a good dick, that’s all!”

“First, that’s not what I said and second, you’re just grabbing at anything to distract me because you’re losing!”

“And what all that had to do with me?”

Cassian should have known better than to ask but honestly, none of their conversation made sense and between Jyn’s warmth right beside him and the last of Bodhi’s suggestions in mind, he had difficulties to use his brain properly.

“Simple Captain,” said Melshi in a bored tone, “your wife here doesn’t approve of the common theory that a good lay is better than a good game.”

“And so we’re all disappointed in you because if you gave her good dick, she’d know sabbac isn’t worth shit!” concluded Dameron with a shit-eating grin that would make his wife proud. But that was not Cassian main problem. He more or less stopped listening after the wife comment because he never thought he’d see the day where Jyn Erso would be called anyone’s wife. Yet here he was and she didn’t seem angry in the least. More frustrated and focused, just like when she needed to be ready for a fight she wasn’t prepared for and he wasn’t sure he had any way to help her.

“Why am I under the impression you’re just trying to get intel about something that isn’t any of your business, Dameron?”

Making his opponent lose focus was a good way to start an offensive and since Cassian didn’t really have anything to say in his defense, he opted to divert their attention on some other subjects than his sex life. Or lack of thereof. Jyn must have understood his strategy because she smirked and added, “Just because you’re so wiped doesn’t mean we all have to be, Kes. And at least, your wife doesn’t try to read into my words. She asks directly.”

“As if you’ll answer!” cried Dameron.

“Only because my private life isn’t any of your business.”

“We’re just worried about you, Jyn,” said Selfa while shuffling his deck of cards, “we’re all happy for both you and the Captain and we want the best for you.”

“And maybe the Captain needs a few, ah, advice.”

“Or some guidance…”

“It must have been a while, since I never saw him with anyone,” added Dameron and Cassian would have been embarrassed if Jyn wasn’t so flippant about it all.

“Once again, you lack any subtlety, Kes,” Jyn retorted with a pointed look and Cassian fought the smile that wanted to creep on his lips. Her hand still on his knee didn’t help to look unaffected.

“We’re trying to help here!”

The three men were quite bad at pretending but Jyn just rolled her eyes and relented one candy for each of them.

“Here, boys. It’s not much but it’s still way more than you deserve. Now, stop trying to pry and give me cards.”

“You sure you don’t prefer some dick? You keep on touching your man and I’m sure you can find some place in the hold to get it.”

Cassian glared at Melshi but the soldier merely shrugged.

“You’re just jealous,” Jyn said while relaxing against Cassian, “because not only I am kicking your ass in the game but I have something you don’t.”

“And what is that?”

Cassian tried his best not to look as eager as the other men and he was thankful to not be in her direct line of sight when she said, “A real partnership, based on trust and respect. Not just a fling or a hurried lay behind a pile of crates.”

“You know,” Cassian teased, “Kes may have that too. After, he’s the real married one.”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t work with his wife, so he may have a real relationship but not the kind that we have.”

She beamed at him, bright and carefree then she turned to her teammate and her smile sharpened.

“So you can say whatever you want, I stand correct. You’re just a bunch of dirty old men who use every excuse to pry because you’re jealous.”

Melshi snorted but didn’t try to deny, Kes scoffed and grumbled and only Selfa insisted on the importance of good sex but then Jyn cut him.

“I understand your point, but since I don’t intend to sleep with all of you at once, admit it’s better to play a game. Sex can be good, yeah, but if it’s meaningless, what’s the point? And if you share a bond deeper with your partner, sex isn’t that important, is it? Good or not.”

Cassian took a deep breath and hardly resisted the urge to kiss her. It wasn’t the time or the place and given how tense her body was, she didn’t enjoy the attention any more.

“Whatever you say, Jyn. I stand correct too and if our guy Andor really gave you good dick, you wouldn’t even try to pretend…”

Selfa didn’t get to finish his sentence. Jyn launched at him and pinned him on the ground, one arm one his throat, the second beside his head, a knife already clenched in her fingers.

“I’m okay with light teasing, pal, but if you insult my partner once more-” The threat was cut short by Cassian who pulled her up back at his side.

“Okay, calm down, both of you,” he said sternly. He first turned to Jyn and told her to go check on Bodhi. Then he sat down with his team and looked at each of them dead in the eye.

“I know you all mean well and I know stupid conversation happens but if you could all refrain from pushing too much, “ he sighed and inwardly cringe at his poor choice of words.

“I’m sorry,” Selfa said, “I didn’t mean to imply you’re not…”

“I know. And Jyn knows too. But as she told you, light teasing is okay but when someone repeatedly said they don’t like you prying, stop. No question asked.”

Once again, he looked as the three men separately to be sure they all get the message then nodded before making way to the ladder. Just as he put his foot on the first tier, he heard the apologized whisper of his team and Cassian stopped. He didn’t face them but he still answered, “I know you mean no disrespect but you should all learn to mind your own business. And I promise you if she voiced any complain about anything you can help with, I’ll come to you.”

“Sometimes, it’s not voiced,” Melshi mumbled and Kes must have smacked him on the head by the sound of it but Cassian didn’t bother to check. He found Jyn crossed legs just outside the cockpit, her eyes closed but her shoulders still squared, jaws locked. Seeing Bodhi didn’t help to appease her uneasiness one bit so Cassian hesitated but before he could decide on what to do, she mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

She barely opened her eyes and her whole posture stayed tensed, yet when Cassian crouched down in front of her slowly, he sensed her muscles stiffen even more.

“About what?”

She blew a frustrated sigh and rested her head on the panel behind her.

“Dunno, this all mess.” She shrugged and if Cassian hadn’t spent the last months watching her so carefully, learning her every move down to the slightest twitch of her brow, he might have been fooled.

“It’s hardly your fault Selfa doesn’t know when to shut up, Kes is a gossip and Melshi always wants to have the last word.”

He put his hand gently on her knee and patted it twice, so much like he would for anybody else but this was Jyn and she wouldn’t accept to be treat like a mere comrade. She licked her lips and her jaws worked just a bit too slowly to not be locked, so Cassian dropped on one knee and reached to cup her cheek.

“Hey.”

Jyn reluctantly looked at him with bored eyes.

“I can’t congratulate you for attacking a teammate but I agree he went too far so don’t worry about it, okay?”

His thumb ran slowly down the slope of her cheek, he pushed her bang out of the way and was about to get up when she caught his wrist.

“I didn’t mean to drag you into this mess and I’m sorry for that too. They were taxing about it but I never thought they’ll tell you how to… you know.”

She couldn’t look at him in the eye when she said it and Cassian wondered if he was grateful or ashamed of it.

“It’s okay,” he said at last because, honestly, it was but at the same time, it wasn’t and they both knew it even if they couldn’t do anything about it.

“You know, even if it comes at a shock for you, I don’t measure my value as a person by what I do or don’t in a bed. And I don’t really care what they think about it. You’re the only one whose opinion matters on the peculiar subject.”

He smiled gently at her and was glad to feel her relax under his touch.

“Did you talk to Bodhi ?” He asked to change the topic and lightened the mood. When she nodded, he added, “and did he tell you about his plan for tonight?”

At her groan, Cassian concluded easily the pilot didn’t so he glided to sit against her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder to press her on his side.

“Well, then, my love, let me tell you your roomie has a gest so you are to spend the night with me.”

It was out of character of him to speak like that but he didn’t want to make a big deal about it, especially after the debacle he’d just faced. But when Jyn stayed silent, he began to overthink it and let his hand fall between them to give her space. They never slept together, not really, not in a bed, not in a room with the intent of sleep. They have fallen asleep next to each other during a mission, on the flight back, even in the med-bay while waiting for the other, the more injured to wake up, but nothing more. And there was a vulnerability in sleep she might not be ready to share with him. Sleeping with some else needs a lot of trust and it involves a new degree of intimacy so maybe, it was too much.

Without a word, Jyn put her head on his shoulder and quickly kiss his neck.

“Sounds good, “ she mumbled on his skin.

“Sharing my room for the night?”

“Yeah. And the part where you call me my love too.”

Cassian felt his neck burn and he was pretty sure it had nothing to do with Jyn lips still brushing it but he still smiled when he grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers closely.

“Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you squint very hard, you can see some kind of plot making its way in this story. And yeah, it's very surprising for me too.

**Author's Note:**

> There should be more because I really wanted to make a whole story where they talked a lot about intimacy, kinks and relationship, explained their past, what they want to try, what was the lamest experience they had... It was supposed to be light, fun and somewhat hot but I failed totally and I think it would more likely be sappy as hell with a hint or two at lame jokes. But whatever. Also, I didn't know how to finish so I just stopped here because why not?


End file.
